Author Archives: becky

Is this thing on?

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Hey there, people. Happy new year! I can’t believe it’s been since freaking August that I’ve had the chance to write in here. Well, I can believe it, but it still feels awkward and irresponsible.

I had originally planned to have a new look for madebuymama by now, and I guess I sorta do, but with my extremely limited skills when it comes to web design, I was just able to alter the image a bit on one of wordpress’ dynamite templates. But hey, it is what it is, right?

Our family is doing marvelously, as usual. We are in the midst of a particularly active cold and flu season here in the Dodson residence, and I have to say I am completely OVER listening to people hack and sniffle. That said, we are lucky to have seemingly skirted the more intense versions of the flu this year, and fingers crossed we shall remain unscathed aside from the usual chest rattle and cranky toddler.

Our holidays came and went at record speed. We kept all three celebrations (Thanksgiving, Christmas and NYE) at home this year, a first in the thirteen years Hubs and I have been celebrating together. Our annual holiday party was a smash and we had plenty of opportunities to engage in very indulgent activities!

This led us to our decision to take part in the Whole30 challenge, beginning Jan 2 (need a day to carb the New Year’s hangover) which is quite simply, 30 complete days of the cleanest, “paleo”-est eating you could do. I have a lot to share about the experience, and it was definitely a great thing for both Hubs and I to do together. So great, that after the 30 days are now complete, and after a mildly indulgent break for the weekend, we are back on track. It really does feel good people. I have recipes and pictures and anecdotes for you, sure to come in the next few entries.

Anyway, I mainly wanted to break the ice and blow the dust off this poor neglected place…but do expect to hear from me super soon!

 

Family Post – Happy FIFTH birthday little dude!

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We celebrated our sweet Ocean’s birthday on Friday, August 10.

it was just way too hot to bake, so thank susiecakes for this work of art.

Five years, man.

a whole hand

 

Suddenly, five years old sounds simultaneously ancient and still just so very young as I look at this beautiful soul we’ve had the privilege to parent all this time. Five. A whole hand. I thought 4 was the cusp of childhood, but I stand corrected. For some reason, I am having a hard time letting go of my son’s babyhood. Much harder a time than I did with his older sister’s so many years before. Maybe it is because Marin is an old soul, and that has been apparent since she came into this world. Ocean just seems more nubile and full of wonder at his surroundings where Marin hit the ground running and to this day amazes me with her grasp on emotion and life in general. Maybe it’s the boy vs. girl thing, or that Marin and I are closer in age, or that we had to go through divorce together and growing up sooner was mandatory. Not sure, just that it truly does feel different this time and I feel a soft ache inside me as we move into school days with Odie.

I can still vividly remember the day Ocean arrived, also a Friday, after a relatively sleepless night full of intermittent back labor contractions. My first home birth. My first birth after a cesarean section 11 years before. I remember how labor began in earnest as I heard the sound of the gardener’s lawn mowers and leaf blowers outside our window while I floated in the warm, relaxing water of our birth tub we had set center stage in our sun-filled bedroom. I remember wondering if I’d be able to have the birth I’d planned as the pain wracked my body and rose to a pitch that I’d forgotten existed. But eventually, it became obvious that I would in fact succeed at birthing at home and at 5:05pm, just in time for happy hour, our little boy was born onto the bed we made him on, his arm stretched out in front like a tiny little Superman.

our sweet boy

This boy is a wonder to behold. All golden hair and kaleidoscope eyes. His laughter is infectious, his energy unmatched. He is tender and wild and defiant and sensitive. He is protective of his sisters and outgoing when meeting new friends. He is quick to laugh and quick to cry, still loves cuddles and still looks up at me, asking “uppy”, to be scooped into my arms.

Ocean started kindergarten a few days after his birthday, all skinny and tall and golden in his school uniform. Confident, and excited…yet I can still see him standing there in the chaos of parents, like us, letting go of their little babies, like him, all spiffed up for that first uncertain day. He was wringing his hands just a little bit and it gently wracked my heart to see him standing there, alone. Sending your child off into the world for a long school day feels right and so wrong at the same time.

kindergarten dude

It really is a growing experience for a parent as well, and I have to admit I’m not fully sold on the out of house school thing so much any more. Homeschool is sounding more and more inviting as we struggle with budget cuts and teacher frustration in our district.

Anyway, this post is very bittersweet as our boy, our solitary son, grows out of babyhood and begins that too short venture into childhood and adolescence and then beyond. So very grateful that this isn’t our first rodeo and that we are all too aware how much attention to pay before the moments slip past.

Five years, man.

 

Food Post – Grilled Cheese Sandwich

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I’ve been away! It’s been a helluva a few weeks, so I will be easy on myself and share with you all a glorious food based post on this cloudy and rainy summer day.

i need you tonight

Perhaps one of life’s most simple meals, yet one of the most delicious and satisfying has got to be the grilled cheese sandwich. (Am I right?)

There are so many variations on this timeless classic, I could write forever. My favorite combination is sharp cheddar with avocado and fresh summer tomatoes on perfectly crisped, buttery sourdough bread. This handheld meal is very easily customized for discerning palates whom dine as one, such as my family. With just a shift in type of bread (gluten free, even!), cheese, fillings, one can create the perfect meal for anyone!

Of late, the mighty grilled cheese has sparked inspiration for food trucks and vast competitions with extreme bragging rights as the reward. It graces many a gourmet menu and I doubt it shall ever disappear from our cuisine. I love the combination of a warm, crisp sandwich oozing with melted deliciousness paired with bowl of nourishing soup. Goodness, if that doesn’t describe one of the finest memories of my childhood, I don’t know what does; in my house, the grilled cheese is the centerpiece of many a meal when quickness and ease of delivery is required, and can be enjoyed any time of the day:

b: scrambled egg and cheddar with american or canadian bacon on whole grain sourdough bread. may or may not include the addition of tomato or avocado for a fully square meal.

l:  american cheese, grilled onions and a veggie burger patty on rye for a vegetarian spin on the old fashioned patty melt.

d: warm mushroom brie and with sauteed spinach, shallots and leeks on thick french bread served with a side of spicy dijon mustard and tiny cornichon pickles. I would also love a huge glass of Pinot Noir, but that’s just me.

 

So, friends, tell me with a comment…what’s your favorite way to grill a cheese?

 

Diet Post – GFF my Gluten Free FAIL and why this happens every single time.

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So a few weeks ago, I embarked on a quest to discover if my continuous sinus and breathing issues are due to a gluten allergy. I have no way of self diagnosing this stuff, though I am familiar with elimination diets and cleanses when it comes to ruling out food sensitivities so I figured it couldn’t hurt, and maybe I could use the reduction of wheat, namely the monstrous amount of bread-like food I consume as a bit of a diet/calorie cut as well.  My initial goal was to log each day’s menu and how I felt throughout the project. Not super ambitious. Not a ridiculous goal.

I logged four days. Four.

This is not a new thing for me, as I’ve set out and abandoned a million and a half diet changes in a relatively short amount of time. I am a creature of habit, if by habit you mean the “bad” kind. Diets, or the newly coined buzz phrase “lifestyle changes” have always eluded me. I cave to all sorts of creature comforts very, very easily; I enjoy leisure and indulgence immensely. So we come to this idea: What feels better? Pleasure and deliciousness or feeling healthy? Immediate satisfaction or eventual enlightenment via a clean and enriched diet and physical routine?  I honestly could not tell you. While I fancy myself mostly in good health, I am keenly aware of the practices I partake in that probably lend to me feeling not so super from time to time. Truly I believe there are a vast population of people out there who are not completely ‘healthy’ but who know a LOT about what health requires and looks like. If you’re like me, you have studied nutrition, believe in eating organic and fresh and local food, you have pored over exercise routines and fads, you could probably coach someone ELSE through pretty much any health crisis, yet when it comes to yourself there are just so many allowances and excuses that no matter where you start from, you always return to the same habitual behavior that ends in eating rich foods, drinking awesome booze and promising that tomorrow (or Monday, or the 1st) you’ll start that exercise routine that is going to change everything!

So my most recent conquest, the gluten free approach had a nearly zero chance at being successful. This doesn’t mean I was not convinced at the start this time would be different, just that with my lack of conviction, I also knew  it was likely that I would screw up somewhere along the line. I am really skilled at enabling myself and catering to the less strict life module.

I believe the young people are using the phrase YOLO …I suppose I am more in the YOLO:  Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die camp rather than YOLO: Stop being a lop and take care of yourself since your body is your temple and you don’t want to squander what health you’ve been given camp. I’d settle for somewhere in between and most times, I feel like I’m there.

Anyways, as for the gluten fail, I can share with you days 1-4 and then start up again here on day 21.

Day 1  ( 6/25/12) (goal weight + 36/ CD2) : Today is a Monday. It always feels better/easier to make a Big Lifestyle Change on a Monday. I spent the better part of yesterday hoovering all things bread-like. It was pretty awesome. I usually start the day with a piece of toast, English muffin or a bagel, some coffee, maybe an egg or two…but always something toasted with butter or cheese or avocado on it (or all three, gulp.)…so today since I had no idea what to eat on the quick other than those items, I skipped breakfast all together. Just had coffee with half and half and rode it out until I could get to the store. For lunch, I bought some rice cakes and ate one with peanut butter on it, alongside a few grapes and a couple dark chocolate toffee almonds from Trader Joe’s (he so loves me)…I’m aiming at drinking a crapton of water as well and just kind of winging it. I actually find that I didn’t and do not feel as hungry as I normally would if I’d eaten my toasty breakfast, whereas normally I would get extremely light headed and shaky a few hours after eating that and NEED to eat lunch, stat. Coincidence? I have no effing clue. For dinner, I bought some chicken sausages that I plan to eat with veggies and what not. Not sure if quinoa is gluten free, not sure if I should give into the enormous mashed potato craving I feel brewing. Not sure of much…but intrigued, for sure. The night ended with a few vodka cocktails and some take out Indian. Not too much different than what I normally order, just skipped the samosas and naan…I realized that I ate a LOT though to make up for how little I ate during the day and got super full and uncomfortable. ugh.

Day 2 (6/26/2012): We went to Disneyland’s California Adventure today to see the new Cars Land. Disneyland is an amazing bubble of yummy food and I went with the best of intentions, I promise! Before we left, I made a lovely stovetop fritatta with eggs, spinach, mushrooms and some of the chicken sausage that we didn’t eat the day before alongside some coffee. I stayed satisfied for much longer than when I would eat grains/carbs for breakfast, but when we got to the park, I drank a few beers (definitely Not gluten free) and while I left the bun off my sandwich, I did have a few bites of the fritto misto during cocktail hour and called it a wash by finishing the night with a midnight Jumbo Jack. In other words, Day 2…total fail. I wasn’t too hard on myself since we were technically ‘on vacation’ and planned to start fresh again the next day.

Day 3 (6/27/2012) (goal weight + 35): Up and ready for another go at this. Rice cakes and PB for breakfast, some coffee, lots of water and surprisingly no shakiness or low blood sugar attacks, even more than 4 hours later. Lunch was sauteed kale and the leftover vegetable curry from Indian. Shopped at TJ’s and really didn’t have to pass over much of the stuff we usually buy. Bought some quinoa and contemplated some rice noodles, but thought better of it thinking I could do without on pasta night by using a low carb dieting trick of pouring marinara sauce over raw spinach and eating it that way. It’s really good! Late night date night dinner with Hubs. I cooked flank steak, mashed potatoes and asparagus. We also drank some champagne. It’s weird to think that because I’m eating GF, that I’m also low-carbing. The mashed potatoes seemed like a cheat…So far, no real difference in how I feel, though I know it’s very early.

Day 4 (6/28/2012) (goal weight + 34.5): Morning started slow. Late brunch with hubs at a restaurant. Ordered an omelet and some potatoes. Instead of toast, corn tortillas. Think about how much corn is subbed for wheat and worry about Monsanto and GMO. Eating out is such a risk anymore. Ate my ENTIRE omelet and wonder what is up with my gigantic appetite. Upside is that I am not hungry until dinner time. Like not even a tummy growl. I really think this is related to me not eating bread. I usually get hungry every two hours like clockwork, like ravished. Sushi with hubs and I just use ponzu sauce instead of soy (soy sauce contains wheat) then I realize that ponzu also has soy sauce in it. Instead of beer, I drink  some sake. I feel really REALLY sleepy after dinner. According to this page, I committed another gluten FAIL.

***You can consider days 5-20 sort of like the missing tale of Jesus’ life in the bible. Me having a bunch of fun cavorting and consorting with publicly known unsavory types and eventually coming to terms with the truth of my purpose and sacrificing myself for the wrongs of all things gluten…or something like that. During the break between logging, I really tried to limit my intake of wheat products, occasionally faltering, but really doing OK as far as avoiding bread and it’s family members. By last weekend, however, I was pretty much out of that mindset and enjoyed many a wheat laden treat, including beer, buffalo wings, bread and flour tortillas…

Day 21 (7/16/2012): Another Monday. Another realization after a weekend RIFE with floury delights. Probably not a coincidence that I woke up so incredibly stuffy and dizzy and weirded out feeling…so I’m definitely going back to limiting as much as possible and being happy for at least that. Started the morning with my trusty PB and rice cake. Quinoa and veggies with feta for lunch and some corn chips with salsa for a bite in between. Upped the water intake and just doing my best.

Day 22 (7/17/2012) (I’ve stopped weighing myself as it’s the last portion of the ‘month’ and I always end up freaked out): Lots of corn today. Tofu chilaquiles for breakfast, tortilla soup. We had a small gathering catered entirely by store bought snacks: Trader Joe’s mini tacos with guac., potstickers with my homemade Asian-inspired glaze, lots of fruit and some chickpea flour pakoras. I avoided the wheatful munchies like mushroom turnovers and spanikopita with very little regret. I can do this. I drank an enormous amount of water today as well and did some working out while watching Madmen. Contemplate diet that consists solely of beef, milk, whiskey, cigarettes and sex. I become convinced Don Draper possesses the secret of life.

hey girl.

Maybe I’ll succeed this week? We have a trip to SF coming up, would be interesting to stick it even while out of town and eating at lots of delicious restaurants.  I’m so super excited for this trip, though, I doubt the absence of wheat will make it any less awesome.

 

Family Post – Still Feeling Behind? or Why Parenting is More Than Getting Nothing Done (part 2)

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When we last left off, Hubs and I had just gotten the news that we were expecting a dual surprise in the form of babies number 4 and 5. We were dumbfounded. Hubs wheeled the toddlers out of the room and I could have sworn he was headed straight for the pub.

The emotions that I experienced after that ultrasound were so diverse and overwhelming. Shock, excitement, anxiety, sheepishness at my royal mix up regarding even getting pregnant at all, pure unadulterated fear. I was terrified to have two babies, yet fiercely attached to them and worried I would lose one or both of them as vanishing twin is very common in early pregnancy.

I’m a real lover of being pregnant and for the most part, I felt just the same as I usually do. There was a considerably higher level of exhaustion, as I learned to expect, but it’s hard to say if that was from the pregnancy itself or the fact I had two toddlers to chase and a teenager needing to be schlepped all about the world. In any case, the time went by, I grew and grew, we found out the boy and girl I was sure I was carrying were actually girl and girl.  I eventually stopped attending births due to my burgeoning gut and the possibility of anything going awry while I was on call. We bought a new car, I sewed and bought a ton of new cloth diapers, we deliberated forEVER over names, we made our birth plans and eventually I was full term and realizing, ready or not, here they were coming.

one of my maternity shots by pamela masters. click for a link to her blog. she’s rad.

I was worried about being a mom to twins all the way up until the morning I went into labor an entire week earlier than I’d pictured. In fact, until I mentally and emotionally explored those final throes of fear, labor pretty much stood still. I would love to share their birth story with you guys at another time, but just know that it went extremely well and we had two new babies and went from 3 to 5 children by the next morning! The toddlers were at a family friend’s house and stayed there an extra night to give us some time to rest and get better acquainted with the girls. All of a sudden there were TWO BABIES! Two hungry babies. Two outstandingly divergent personalities to learn.

minutes after baby b (lennox) was born. i know this picture is dark, i just love it so much though.

Before they arrived, I tried to get a jump start on stuff like freezing meals and planning play dates, etc. We had a LOT of friends come and bring us food, and I have to say that this was the most helpful thing I could ask for. Not having to worry about even picking up the phone to order take out was such a relief. The meals and groceries flooded in and sustained us for about 6 weeks. The first 6 weeks, if I didn’t have pictures, I could swear to you never even happened. What a blur! I mean, I kind of psyched myself up the entire pregnancy and expected to feel one hundred percent inadequate. As usual, I surprised myself by how much easier it was than all of those anxiety riddled day dreams predicted. This is not to say we weren’t batcrap crazy trying to keep up with everyone. But it was to be expected, so the fray wasn’t a surprise. I slept more than I’d thought I would. I didn’t leave the house or have very many adult conversations, but I didn’t implode and neither did anyone else. Hubs, however, was getting very little time to work. Being a business owner had its perks since he was able to stay home in the mornings and make breakfast for the toddlers while I slept in with the babies. He would take them for day trips as well so they didn’t have to sit around and watch me endlessly breastfeeding and changing diapers. But ultimately, the bills needed to be paid, and Hubs needed his mornings back for work.

We eventually hired a nanny who would come in the mornings, 3 days a week, and take the toddlers to the park. She would bring them back home at nap time, which would insure me about 4-5 hours of just baby time while getting the bigger children out for some much needed activity time. Park Nanny was cool, but there were some scheduling conflicts with her other nanny family and she couldn’t be in our house since she was allergic to our dog, Huxley. The great thing was that she was there for the real baby intensive months and we parted at about the same time we met a sweet young girl who was coincidentally the hired lifeguard for Ocean’s 4th birthday. We hit it off with Katie instantly and hired her on the spot to start helping me at home.

Over the last year, the house has risen to a certain level of organization with much help from outside. We aren’t lucky enough to have local family, so we employ our village instead. Katie has been indispensable over these months, going on park days, accompanying me to the zoo, helping fold laundry or make meals, holding a baby or two during my daily date with my boyfriend, Trader Joe. We also pay to have our house cleaned once a week by another dear friend who also babysits for us quite frequently, and I shudder to imagine what our lives would look like if we hadn’t shelled out loot for these two amazing ladies. As the babies have grown, and begun to nurse less frequently (only slightly), I have had more and more time to sneak back into my sewing room, and after years of trying to decide what KIND of blog I wanted to write have finally started this very one. I’m also getting to the point where I think I might be able to start taking births again, but have decided to wait a bit longer on that since Ocean starts kindegarten next month, and sadly, we are saying goodbye to Nanny Katie as she leaves us to go far far away to college. Our plans aren’t secure as to what we will do after she leaves. Part of me thinks we should find a fun preschool for Pearl since her playmate is going to be gone all day which will leave me home with the babies, probably shuffling them into and out of cars as I drive all over the world to pick up and drop off people. I know we’ll come up with a perfect plan as to how to navigate all of this, so while I’m pretty freaking sad to see the kids lose their beloved Katie, I’m pretty OK with the change and ready to move into the next phase of our lives as this great big family.

if not, there is always the cage. (dont worry, they did this all by themselves.)

 

Now I might have to sacrifice some of my productivity in the sewing and blogging arenas, but I’ve been thinking of ways to schedule my time more efficiently so that I can set aside an hour or two a day to work. I might enlist some extra help around the house for smaller tasks like folding laundry or doing dishes, but it’s not certain. Part of me feels spoiled that I’ve had help at all, but I just remind myself that it truly does take a village and however we cover that is up to us. The main focus of my life, and forever, will be these children, and that idea is one that I am constantly reminding myself of. It is so easy to feel down when I have an idea to write about, a new pattern I want to try out, or the fact that my stupid web design is…stupid…and why can’t I get it all done and wah! The constant measurement of my success is completely internal and often tedious and somewhat skewed. Forever am I reminding myself to acknowledge the sheer wonder that is simply keeping 5 children alive and mostly happy. I have strong beliefs as to how I want my children to live and be loved. More important than anything is their feeling of contentment and acceptance. I want them to be healthy and loved and happy and secure, so that means I have to pay close attention to my actions and intentions. That means that I will have to shut down the computer or hang up the shears more often to listen to a funny story or hug a tired baby. My house might not be perfectly decorated to all my wild Pinterested whimsies and I might not have the chance to do that 2 hour cross fit class so that I can stop feeling crappy about the state of my physical fitness (totally different entry!)…but most days, I am kicking serious ass at being a mom. Who knows what life will be like in a few weeks when all the new stuff comes into play, but for right now, I feel OK with our lives and can see the areas that need more attention (continuing work on our marriage/parenting, utilizing time more wisely, being more active and in nature), and the others that need less (extraneous spending, mindless effing off on the Internet). Heck, if we get really good at this we might just end up with enough time to make another baby!*

we’re kidding?

So any parents out there who might be feeling like they’re slipping behind in Life, just keep in mind that you’re doing the world’s hardest, yet most rewarding job of all, building human beings – people that are going to go out into the world and reflect all the light and love you pour into them. So make that pool deep and endless. Take your time while you can. Cut yourself some slack. You are doing so much more than Nothing.

*Ok, you can wipe the coffee/tea/water/wine/vodka (I’m talking to you, mom) off the computer screen.

 

Link to Part One

 

Everything Post – Summertime and the Livin’ is Busy

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Hey you guys!

I’ve been so incredibly busy for the last few weeks. All good things, of course. We had a visit from my beautiful sister and brother in law, celebrated Father’s day with a barbecue, pool party and a keg, whisked off to Las Vegas sans children, and then threw a wonderful hula hooping party a day and a half after we came home.

In light of this whirlwind of activity, I will update the blog in due fashion:

 

  1. Family Post – Part two of this post - where I continue my thinking on our family, our busyness simply being ourselves, and the desire to do MORE…like…
  2. Family Post – Visit from Melissa and Jimi, our biggest field trip being a trip to LA’s Chinatown. My first time ever!
  3. Recipe Post – Father’s Day Barbecue – Pulled pork, grilled oysters, beer and swimming. Yay!
  4. Las Vegas Vacation – Flying, heat, food, partying,  a musical, pumping, sleeeeping.
  5. Hula Hoop Party – one of the hottest new/old crazes come to life in my back yard. A friend of mine makes custom hoops and I hosted a bit of a ‘hooperware’ party. Lots of fun and photos!
  6. Review Post – Tommee Tippee sent me some sippy cups to review and even one to giveaway!
  7. Lifestyle Post – 30 days of gluten free dieting inspired by a friend’s amazing response to this pretty significant (for me, especially. I live on sandwiches) dietary change. I plan to update a bit each day and then at the end of each week, publish, lest I fear it get a bit tedious for everyone…

That should keep me busy for awhile, no? Hope your summer is kicking ass so far…

 

Feeling behind? Why Parenting is More Than Getting nothing done. (in two parts)

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Our weeks are characteristically busy, but this last week took the cake with hubs off and away early, nearly every day and into the night. This didn’t leave a lot of time for me to make any blog posts, but I did get to run around like a freak off her leash as I tried to keep track of our brood without hurting myself or anyone else. I suppose this is par for the course as I move into a more directed and motivated state, mentally, with the fact remaining that I have these humans to care for. The going will be slow. And while I might have a million billion ideas of what I’d like to do here and in the other creative parts of my life, the fact remains that my hugest project, and by far my most important is making sure the babies are well loved and cared for. In fact, I’m rather used to postponing and rescheduling major life plans in order to birth and care for the babies, and as history shows I always pick back up eventually, even if sometimes I feel so very far behind. I should be used to this feeling by now, being compelled to achieve outside or creative tasks, to generate income, to have an adult conversation now and again, since I’ve been parenting small children for long enough…but I always find myself needing to realign my efforts, to forgive myself for incomplete ideas and tasks since, really, my calling is to foster these wee people in a loving and supportive manner.

I remember years ago, when it was just Hubs, Marin (the teenager) and me. I had a Real Job. Hubs and I were throwing a weekly night club plus various other musical events. Life felt busy then. When we decided to grow our family, and welcomed our little dude into the world, I made the decision to stay home full time and be a mother of two. My pregnancy was joyous and comfortable. We had a triumphant home birth after cesarean (HBAC) and our family was further connected. Life slowed down a lot. We went to Disneyland a lot. We camped and traveled and, to be honest, since I’d already had a child for 11 years at the time, a lot of the anxiety of having a new baby just wasn’t there. All I had to do was sleep when he slept, wait around for him to wake up, love on him, breastfeed, and take a lot of pictures.

disney baby!

In addition to mothering and feeling pretty amazing, I was inspired to return to school to study for my degree in Nursing, in hopes to eventually become a midwife someday and began learning to sew in hopes of starting my own online cloth diaper and baby items business. I have to say, all of this productivity as a parent and a woman felt pretty awesome. And fairly simple. So awesomely simple that it seemed like a great idea to have another baby. Right away. This became reality so quickly that we found ourselves expecting again when Ocean was about 7 months old. I was pretty freaked out, but excited. Sadly, though, that pregnancy didn’t make it, and the one a few months after that didn’t either. It wasn’t until his first birthday, exactly, that we hit the target and the pregnancy stuck.

Things were different this time. I had an active toddler to chase around. I was taking a near full class load at school. The opportunity to nap on a whim, as one so frequently gets the urge to do while with child, wasn’t as readily available. I was waking in the middle of the night to nurse or deal with a teething person. I felt sicker, more fatigued…and more, I felt like the pregnancy was slipping by with very little fanfare, because, I will admit that I am a bit of a romantic when it comes to things like this and feel like every woman deserves to be pampered and cherished and fawned over while gestating a baby…and well, with an active toddler and a hubs who was likely freaking out a little bit about the financial aspect of our rapidly growing family, I just wasn’t basking in the expectant glow that I was, well…expecting. But it is what it is, right? Each new experience deserves to be honored for just that, and as we learned we were welcoming another daughter into our family, the name Pearl just fell readily into our laps. As we waited for what seemed like an eternity after her estimated due date, when it was really only a week and some change,  she was born here in our home the morning after mother’s day and on my own mother’s birthday.

welcome, miss pearl

We felt newly complete. I made the decision to take a small break from school, with intentions to return after a semester. Of course, I was terrified to be alone with two babies at one time! For a few weeks, hubs would wake up with Ocean and take Marin to school each morning while I slept in with Pearl. Pearl was a real club baby, she stayed up well past two am, ready to party down. I remember so many nights into early morning where I would say good night to hubs and silently (or not so) curse him while I bounced Pearl into a tizzy hoping she’d drift off to sleep so I could ninja into our bed with her between hubs and me, Ocean on the far side in a crib pushed up to the side of the bed, hoping that no one would stir and start the process all over again.  Ocean warmed up to Pearl slowly, and stereotypically toddler-like, would sneak away during feeding times to get into whatever he wasn’t supposed to. He also decided to start growing his 2 year old molars and scream to high heaven for about 6 months straight. I continued to breastfeed him through Pearl’s infancy if not for any other reason, then to know what the heck he was up to while I had to sit and feed a baby for hours on end. Eventually, I felt confident enough to load two children into and out of our car, and even started to feel like I could take them places by myself! Our Beco carrier was indispensable and I spent hours on end wearing Pearlie so that I had two hands free to care for Odie.  This isn’t to say that I didn’t make many a tearful and often unreasonably bitchy phone call to hubs wondering when the eff he would come home so I could do something crazy like take a damned shower by myself (which, if you have a toddler you know, Never Happens). Hubs did his best to comply, but I have to admit I harbored some serious envy over his ability to just walk out the door and go be a grown up all day while I tended to the little folk, which is a blog post all its own, I imagine.

two babies are better than one?

Of course, after awhile, life took on its own new rhythm and we slept more, and Ocean got used to having a little sister, and Pearl being Pearl, was super communicative and happy super early and I had more days of feeling on top of things than I felt like selling the children to the gypsies and life was grand. I even had time to start sewing a bit here and there and began developing my own patterns and ideas for my imaginary website. Now if you’re sensing a theme, you’d probably guess that by now, I was starting to feel like we should have ANOTHER baby! Wee! Hubs on the other hand, was tougher to convince this go ’round. He would just look at me as though he were wondering if I was some kind of amnesiac and wasn’t I happy to be feeling less like we had barely kept our children alive that day and more like we’d actually had time to spend with one another or holy crap have the entire house clean at the same time?

For reasons unexplained, I just felt like there was another person out there and that our family was somehow incomplete. I suppose some would reckon that since I’m a woman of ‘advanced maternal age’ that my ovaries might be screaming out extra loud for attention in a last gasp attempt to achieve their purpose. At the end of the day, who am I to stand in the way of somebody’s dream? In any case, I had that gleam in my eye, so hubs would say. He had one too, but it looked a lot more like fear. Needless to say, and even though we were trying to follow my natural fertility signals to avoid becoming pregnant, all it took was one wild weekend and we found ourselves up the spout again.

i peed on this.

I had recently begun assisting the midwives who attended Ocean and Pearl’s birth, which was a HUGE step towards the dreams I’ve had for many years. In fact, I discovered I was pregnant a few days before attending my very first birth. I stayed quiet about my condition, however, because it was very early and I wasn’t sure we’d stay pregnant. With my history of miscarriage, I am pretty fearful in those early weeks and got right to confirming the pregnancy with my insurance provider, a process that included serial blood tests and an early ultrasound for dating purposes. When my blood results came back with fairly high readings of the pregnancy hormone HCG, I started to consider the idea that there may be more than one baby in there.  This idea was terrifying and exciting and just plain huge. I brought up the prospect to Hubs lightly, for he had just barely come around to the idea of another baby at all. When we went into our ultrasound, yelping toddlers strapped into the double stroller in tow, Hubs mentioned to the doctor just before carting said toddlers out the door for a walk that he wanted to make sure there was only one baby in there before he left. This was just as I noticed the doctor looking quite intently at the screen at what appeared to be two teensy blobs where normally there is one. I knew right away that darling Hubs was in for a shocker. So there were two.  And hubs rolled our other two out the door with a single accusatory glance my way.

Twins.

four babies are better than two?

Holy crap.

To be continued…

Family Post – You have how many kids??

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too much fun.

 

As a mother to five, I hear a lot of feedback regarding our family’s size. I am sure most parents to many (and who really defines what ‘many’ entails?) can attest to the onslaught of unsolicited advice from people, whether they know you or not. I can usually shrug the comments off with a smile, lifting their outlooks with a response that shows just how happy I truly am to have the life and children I do.  Until it happened, I never imagined having a family this large, or any for that matter as far back  as I can remember, but now I am in love.  And I realize that, for the most part, the commentary is benign and really whatever is being said, encouraging or not, is really just from the perspective of the commentator, so usually I’m able to field any seemingly negative sentiment with flying colors.

Most times, I actually enjoy telling people I have five kids. I love the look on their faces as they try to figure out if they’ve heard me correctly. I love the ‘you’re too young to have five kids’ compliments and I’m pretty sure Hubs does too. I am proud of our progeny and of the fact we’ve made it this far with so many younger children, so naturally I’m going to claim my bragging rights at least sometimes. And really, five isn’t *that* many. Sure, it’s more than the .9 child the 2000 census reported lived in each American household (though in 2000, I did only have one child), but it’s not the other extreme either.  Recent censuses have shown that the average number has grown to between 2 and 3 since then, by the way, so I’m not like a total freak or anything.

Just for fun, I thought I should list the 5 most common comments we receive and my accompanying thoughts:

  1. “You sure have your hands full!” - (full) Hands down this is the most frequent comment anyone, anywhere says to me when I’m out and about. It started when I was pregnant with the twins and running errands and such with Ocean and Pearl. Now I get it even if I’m just out with the twins alone, though the addition of any other children compounds the frequency and emphasis of  the sentiment. A lot of times it is said with an exasperated smile or slow nodding of the head from side to side. Occasionally, a pair of bulging eyes and gaping mouth deliver this witty, and no doubt thought to be wildly unique observance of my posse. If I have time to answer, I usually go on about the fullness of my arms, my car, my home, or in the case of pregnancy, my uterus (that always does the trick)…And sure, I guess I do have my hands full (but also my heart!), and these people are probably just taking a moment to comfort a woman who they feel might be in a little too deep. I just wish they would think of something else to say, for variety’s sake.
  2. “You know what causes that, right?” (see also: “You need to get a TV”) - I suppose since I travel around with a bunch of little people, I am announcing to the world that yes, I am sexually active. To the point that it’s suddenly acceptable to strike up a discussion with me about it. In Trader Joe’s. Because I know you. So yes, new best friend, I know what causes this (and I LIKE it. Happy?)
  3. “You’re crazy” - This particular comment has fairly wide coverage when referring to myself and my lifestyle choices. About the babies, it’s that I would want another one, or want to birth them at home, or breastfeed into toddler-hood, co-sleep or to use cloth diapers. I experienced a broad spectrum of reactions to this commentary; at first, I thought it was funny to see how taken aback a lot of my friends were that I chose a home birth for Ocean, and then again for Pearl and even again for the twins. I felt cool that I was the odd mom out who was using cloth diapers or breastfeeding at length (or more than one child at a time!) or letting my babies sleep in my bed on purpose (and for a good reason as I see it). After having my sanity questioned over and over again, I started to feel annoyed. I lashed out. I told THEM that THEY were crazy for NOT doing it the way I do. Now I just understand that they simply don’t get me, and I’m okay with that. I am not in charge of anyone’s comfort level but my own and my little crew’s. I also think that for the most part, those who know me love me and a lot of that love is because I’m sure of myself and my choices. It isn’t that they think I’m crazy, it’s that they don’t think they would be able to do the things I do…and I think they’re selling themselves short.
  4. “I hope you’re done having kids.” – This one’s a toughie. I realize we have a larger family than most. I realize the financial aspect of children, the investment of time, the space people occupy in my home and in our cars, eventual educations, weddings, the whole sha-bang. So if my husband and I end up having another child down the line, it’s up to us. Plain and simple. Giving someone advice, or worse, openly passing judgement on their mutual decision to have a child together, however many that makes it is not the same as giving advice on where to have dinner, or to honeymoon, or which bank to open an account at.  Assuming the children in question are well loved, safe, healthy and adequately provided for there really is no place for outside commentary, and frankly it’s pretty rude to say something like that to people who apparently really love having kids together. That is a lot like telling someone who really loves to paint or to travel that you hope they’re done because you just can’t see why they’d want to keep it up.
  5. “You’re so blessed!” - Of course, I’ve been approached by parents to twins or to larger families and, not surprisingly, their comments have all been ultra supportive and affectionate. In the early days with the twins, on the rare occasion I’d be out with the whole gang, it was such a relief to meet other parents with older twins/sibsets if not for the adult interaction alone, but to realize that one truly CAN survive such a thing. It’s always great to hear someone be encouraging and loving. Be it a stranger, friend or family, when I feel approval and affection from another human, I get giddy. I love these kids a lot, I love the entire process of motherhood (see #2) and wouldn’t give back a single moment of this “crazy” life I lead. I’m sure you can believe that I’d be down to do it all again someday, but not quite sure I could get the Hubs to concede just yet. We’re really up to our elbows in baby around here, for now, but I wont lie and say that I’m not thinking about another, and I wouldn’t want anyone to try to make me feel ashamed of that.

So yah, anomaly or no, I am proud of my family and of the decisions Hubs and I have made.  I love my friends and family so much, and for the most part, they’ve been nothing but supportive of us. If those of you whom I know in real life read this and see something you might’ve said to me in passing up there, know that I do believe you have our best interest in mind, but maybe next time you’ll reconsider that ‘helpful’ advice and trust that we know what we’re doing.

I will say that I do employ the village in helping to care for our family. We aren’t fortunate enough by way of having family close by, so we’ve definitely enlisted our own little troop of helpers (and pay for that dearly, mind.), so that having time to write this or sew up a project or maybe nip off for a manicure is possible. That aside, we are rocking this parent thing. Hubs works so hard, and I do too! We’ve earned this family and we truly are having a great time. Sure life gets crazy and overwhelming at times. I have a desire to put energy into the world outside of motherhood and we have a very voracious appetite for fun and grown up activities, so we aren’t all kids all the time, but we make it work. So for that, I pat us on the back and that only makes the force field more capable to ward off any outside criticism about the way we conduct our daily lives. :)

 

PS: Have you entered the drawing for the chicken plug roaster in my last entry? It ends in just a few hours!

Review Post (and our first GIVEAWAY!) – Chicken Plug Roaster

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OK  faithful followers, bear with me. I am going to attempt to combine a GLOWING review of one of my new absolute FAVORITE kitchen/cooking tools with a super fun giveaway. RIGHT HERE ON MY BLOG. I know, wow, right?

So I have this friend, Bryan, who, among many talents, happens to be a very skilled glass blower. He’s made all sorts of gorgeous pieces of art, among other handy tools (cough) but I have to say I am completely blown away by one of his more recent installments: The Chicken Plug Roaster (CPR).

I’m sure many of you are familiar with the method of roasting/grilling a chicken that has been perched upon a full can of beer, aka “beer can chicken”, and you probably know just how dang delicious the end result can be.  In fact, it’s pretty difficult to mess it up. And that is all fine and dandy, right? But imagine a world where you can customize your seasonings in that beer, a beer you’ve hand selected, or heck what about using wine or fruit juice or a mixture of your own creation? Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Well imagine no more. That world is here.

I was the lucky recipient of a CPR as a Christmas gift from a dear friend and immediately I used it to make one kickin’ chicken. See? (I realize that some of you might not find this attractive. The teenager says that everyone knows roasted chicken is delicious but looks yucky…I just didn’t want to have a post w/o a picture)

i'll be your baby tonight

All I did is follow the simple instructions on the website. I used beer (Sierra Nevada), garlic, 2 bay leaves, about 6 peppercorns, a bit of olive oil and a slice of orange inside the roaster then rubbed the outside of the chicken with kosher salt and pepper…Baked on my cast iron skillet at 350 until an inner temperature of 165 degrees was reached…and that was that.  The resulting bird was just plain ridiculously delicious. Cooked perfectly. I was instantly hooked and have since made many, many chickens in this fashion. I love the simplicity of it Not to mention avoiding the potential health risks of cooking with aluminum. And you can reuse the plug roaster again and again…it’s dishwasher safe and works great on the grill too!

So now you want one right? Well here is your chance to win your very own CPR directly from my blog! Just follow the directions below to gain entries to the contest and next week I will draw the lucky winner!

Chicken Plug Roaster Giveaway!